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It's three AM out in the country, fuckin' hot, and I gots nothing to… - It's Not Stupid, It's Advanced
August 2006
 
 
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Sat, Aug. 19th, 2006 02:57 am
It's three AM out in the country, fuckin' hot, and I gots nothing to do and too much energy to do it with.

But it's fine for me in the wee hours, I don't really have a car or a computer of my own right now so if I want to do anything private it's got to be now.

The psychiatrist at the rehab facility diagnosed me with major unipolar depression -- MUD, isn't that nice? -- and it's been kicking my ass since I last posted. But I've swung out of it over the past couple of days. I keep reminding myself that what's bad is good...


Inflicting physical pain on myself isn't really my modus operandi, but the idea was first brought to my attention with regard to self-cutting. Causing myself physical pain releases opioids, which help make the pain go away. It might not be very effective, or healthy, or A Good Idea, but paradoxically this self-harm is an attempt to heal.

Wikipedia dropped me the notion that depression is in the same class of behavior. Depressive behavior is a means to signal a need by doing things that must hurt, to prove the point that something's wrong.

Maybe staying in bed all day is a means to an end, sending up a flare so to speak, and it has a meaning. Mmmm, validation.

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dingoatscritch
dingoatscritch
dingo@scritch.com
Sat, Aug. 19th, 2006 11:22 am (UTC)
closeness/farness

OH MY GOODNESS! I'm so glad to hear from you. I actually missed your last post about what was going on, but I think I gathered most of it from our last phone conversation.

I hope you're doing well. I miss you, like, a lot. I think about you often and wonder how everything's going. I figured it best to keep my distance, I know how these things work.

I'd like to see you sometime, perhaps come up and visit. I could bring cake or something. :'\


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bellacrow
bellacrow
Mark of the Harlot
Sat, Aug. 19th, 2006 05:58 pm (UTC)

my therapist (I now have Depression and am on Celexa, my psych said that with this being my third depressive episode I had better just stay on meds)gave me a good book, Feeling Good by David Burns. Has a whole section on the 'Do-nothingness" which is where I am currently at.

bah


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rentravler
rentravler
Rentravler
Sat, Aug. 19th, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC)

And *hugs*. I've missed you.


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wyrdgrrl
wyrdgrrl
wyrdgrrl
Sun, Aug. 20th, 2006 08:54 am (UTC)

Me and the beast miss you much. We send you much love...


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mirgar
mirgar
Eric
Sun, Aug. 20th, 2006 09:43 am (UTC)

Thank you, I feel it... :)


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rentravler
rentravler
Rentravler
Thu, Sep. 7th, 2006 04:08 am (UTC)

Hey hon, whacha been doing?? Update! Are you reading LJ anymore? You should do Aegir's! Well, I think you should do it for selfish reasons of my own, because trogula and I only have a two person tent, and I know you hate camping, and you probably have less than no money...but I'd really love to see you. *hugs*


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rentravler
rentravler
Rentravler
Thu, Oct. 26th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)

Hey--

Missing you a lot. I'm up for a visit out to see you; let me know what times would work for you. I can go with or without Wayne, though he'd dearly like to see you as well. K?


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marcelinia
marcelinia
Mon, Jan. 29th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
video

WOW http://freeblogs.ifastnet.com/alibaba969_blog/video.html


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elejournal
elejournal
Elejournal
Wed, May. 30th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)

post more often. seriously. =P


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