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My SFBG horoscope (Pisces) says that this week is going to suck all… - It's Not Stupid, It's Advanced
August 2006
Fri, Jul. 15th, 2005 12:54 pm
My SFBG horoscope (Pisces) says that this week is going to suck all kinds of ass but the changes I've made over the past six to nine months will carry me through. I'm not sure a horoscope has ever been more right.

My household is breaking up, which decision was taken the day I started SSRIs. Heh. I'm welcome to stay -- bright_valkyrie has offered to let me sign a lease, a formality none of us chose to undergo previously. My world is kind of a swirl right now.

My therapist told me she thinks it'd be "very beneficial" if we went to seeing each other two days a week. I guess that feels good, as I start dealing with things I find more help there to deal with them. And my mom seems okay paying for more mental heath care for me, but she did give me a pretty strong guilt trip, same as she always does. I didn't need the guilt trip, and she started it with "This is probably a conversation we should have a week or a month from now, but..." but apparently she couldn't not give it. Knowing her she'll do the same thing in a month because that disclaimer meant she didn't really say anything this time.

Listening to Lexapro: 48 hrs. out

After two days of a quarter-tablet (2.5 mg) I took a half-tab (5 mg) today. (5 mg of Lexapro is equivalent to 20 mg of Proxac or Paxil.) I've been taking my dose every day at noon, so I haven't felt anything from the half-tab yet. With the other two I've noticed something, even if it's just my gut working hard on something.

I noticed that when I got into an anxiety spiral yesterday it seemed immediately foreign to me -- there was no conscious mindfulness involved, it was just "Why am I driving myself crazy again?" That was pleasant, and I think the drug's fault.

Not much drowsiness yesterday, in fact it was hard to get to sleep because I was suffering a mild headache and I couldn't remember how OTC painkillers interact with SSRIs. When I finally got to sleep, I woke up at 9am alert and refreshed in a way that sleep doesn't generally do for me. Called my psychiatrist and she said OTC painkillers are fine, which might be important. She said a headache on 2.5 mg would likely get worse on 5 mg, but abate after a week or so.

I had "very vivid dreams" as the fact sheet warned I might, but they were kind of boring. My dreams are generally of two types: little wandering deleria that slip through my fingers just as I leave sleep, loose and disconnected; and strong, strange stories with plot arcs, cinematography, and scoring. I also feel that I dream rarely. As it turns out, I might dream all the time, but only remember the interesting ones.

"Dreams are just me talking to myself in my sleep."

Not much magic in that.

This morning, after my refreshing sleep, I did feel more like the wind was at my back. This would seem like an astonishingly quick reaction for your average depressive on an SSRI, but for three factors:

  1. Lexapro tends to work faster than older SSRIs.

  2. People with panic issues tend to be more sensitive to SSRIs.

  3. People with histories of recreational drug use tend to be more sensitive to SSRIs.

I think the last two boil down to experience, I'm hyperaware of what chemicals do to my body. I'm also aware that I'll reach a chemical steady state after taking the 10 mg dose for a week (mark your calendars, folks, I can write about that on July 25th). And even then I might not really know what it does until my body adjusts to the constantly higher serotonin levels.

Still dehydrated. Still having interesting digestive repurcussions. But glad for the meds, so far.


Fri, Jul. 15th, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC)

Huh. Well, at least you're not the only one have the Suck Week from Hell. :( I spent all day doing stuff that didn't need to be done because someone pulled a fire alarm unnecessarily, and now I have to miss therapy to finish my project by 9am Monday. :(

That's a good horoscope. Mine (Scorp) says, basically, "You just worry about you!". Heh. Think I'll take that advice.