So! About the crazy.
asked right out of the gate what I got diagnosed with. This doctor doesn't quite work that way, but we did get some things figured out. We agreed that I'm depressed, but I'm months out from a major depressive episode, and it motivated me to get the therapy that I'm continuing, so no huge worries. Let's call it chronic minor depression with a healing major episode.
My doctor seemed much more interested in the anxiety side of things, which for me is not nearly so pressing (heh) as the depression. (I reconciled myself to the notion of staying on personality-altering meds permanently because if I didn't alter myself the depression might mean I wouldn't have a self left to alter.) Not only does she see me as having a panic disorder (!) she also showed an amount of concern over obsessive-compulsive disorder (!!) that surprised me. I don't see myself as panicky or obsessive.
But she sat me down and pointed some things out.
In any event the depression thing is still what worries me the most, and I went in wanting an SSRI. As it happens SSRIs treat everything I might have or am currently worried about having. Based on some reading I've been doing I decided I wanted Lexapro, and she gave me a sample pack to see how it works on me. I'll be coming in to her next week to let her know how it goes.
And I have regularly scheduled therapy tomorrow! Woo hoo, Crazy Week continues.