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It's Not Stupid, It's Advanced
August 2006
 
 
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Sat, Aug. 19th, 2006 02:57 am
It's three AM out in the country, fuckin' hot, and I gots nothing to do and too much energy to do it with.

But it's fine for me in the wee hours, I don't really have a car or a computer of my own right now so if I want to do anything private it's got to be now.

The psychiatrist at the rehab facility diagnosed me with major unipolar depression -- MUD, isn't that nice? -- and it's been kicking my ass since I last posted. But I've swung out of it over the past couple of days. I keep reminding myself that what's bad is good...
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Sun, Jul. 23rd, 2006 09:12 pm
Holy shit, I just typed up this long post about where I've been gone to all this time, and my fingers slipped and it got deleted. Seriously.

To make a long story short: I'm better off. I have more self-confidence, and I'm more willing to assert Truths about myself. 10 weeks in an adult residential substance abuse program (aka rehab) will change a man.

I am calm, reasonable, charismatic, trustworthy, and a natural-born leader. I have the Tao of leadership, which is to say that if I accept a project from you, I will do it so gracefully that you'll forget you asked and just accept it as done.

And as of right now: I'm living with my mom outside of Sac again. Lonely. Hot. But I've got a huge support system out there, I went to an NA meeting today, and one yesterday. Just got invited to a rez to take part in a recovery-only sweat. ^_____^ And I'm going back to school. Again. I think you can find me swearing never to move back up here or go back to school, somewhere in this journal. Luckily I now know that growth is a greater virtue than consistency. ^____^

Anyway. How y'all been?

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Mon, Aug. 8th, 2005 12:40 pm
yay humor style quiz.
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Sun, Jul. 17th, 2005 09:28 pm
Dammit, I really really wanted not to miss it. But I missed it anyway. My last journal entry was my 1,000th.

Which makes this my

1,001st!



Woot!

Anyway. About my brain being different...
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Sat, Jul. 16th, 2005 02:49 pm
So, therapy two days a week looks like a go. In addition to whatever appointments I end up having with my very hands-on, full-fifty-minutes, I-am-not-a-prescription-dispenser psychiatrist. I like being crazy, all this attention from mental health professionals (it was even her idea to go to two days a week!) scratches my itch.

Listening to Lexapro: 4 days in
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Fri, Jul. 15th, 2005 12:54 pm
My SFBG horoscope (Pisces) says that this week is going to suck all kinds of ass but the changes I've made over the past six to nine months will carry me through. I'm not sure a horoscope has ever been more right.

My household is breaking up, which decision was taken the day I started SSRIs. Heh. I'm welcome to stay -- bright_valkyrie has offered to let me sign a lease, a formality none of us chose to undergo previously. My world is kind of a swirl right now.

My therapist told me she thinks it'd be "very beneficial" if we went to seeing each other two days a week. I guess that feels good, as I start dealing with things I find more help there to deal with them. And my mom seems okay paying for more mental heath care for me, but she did give me a pretty strong guilt trip, same as she always does. I didn't need the guilt trip, and she started it with "This is probably a conversation we should have a week or a month from now, but..." but apparently she couldn't not give it. Knowing her she'll do the same thing in a month because that disclaimer meant she didn't really say anything this time.

Listening to Lexapro: 48 hrs. out
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Thu, Jul. 14th, 2005 12:25 pm
Listening to Lexapro: 24 hrs. out
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Wed, Jul. 13th, 2005 02:29 pm
So! About the crazy.
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Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 04:16 pm
So, first appointment with Dr. Schiff was stunning. She's much less about me cultivating my own awareness than my therapist is. She was very straightforward. "Here's what your issues look like to me, here's how your past created those issues, here are the things we can do." (For the record, studies prove -- and I believe from lived experience -- that both talk therapy and psychiatry heal you faster and more thoroughly.)

In my case, the thing we can do is make another appointment for two days from now, as she apparently believes there are some things we should deal with immediately. And seemed a bit surprised that this is my first go-round with psychiatric medicine, but maybe that's just me projecting.

Luckily I'm crazy either way. Ah, certainty, thy name is madness.

Oh! Lookie! A trickster meme!

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Wed, Jul. 6th, 2005 03:31 pm
Hee hee, the crazy train is picking up speed. (*snerk* That'll be much funnier if I get an Adderall scrip.) Just got in with a psychiatrist on the UCSF faculty.

LIFE WILL BE SKITTLES AND BEER. -- THE MGT.

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